Undressing

Part I

"We undressed, then dressed again in the gowns of the moon."

- Derrick C. Brown

A shortened breath.

You, your fingertips dip, rip 

secrete all the ugly parts of me, they settle

upon your touch, my vision pierced darkness/

the bend of your back glistened grains of golden light. 

My body shakes and shivers, rattles for you.

Come home, come to me. 

I beg you,

have me. 

Part II

"Your eyes are red but you tell me don’t stop.

You tell me to whisper something sexy

so I say, “I’m so sorry” over and over again." 

- Derrick C. Brown

I gulped you down as an afterthought.

Our days prolonged with pretence 

and you look better with the lights off:

I could mould and shape you, break you into her.

The syllables that make you, distorted into a refrain:

I’m so sorry.

It puts me to sleep, 

the anticipation in the gaps between us. 

I’m so sorry lingers in the dark, muffled by our silence

Part III

"The experience of undoing and becoming" 

- Derrick C. Brown

Vulnerability looks hollow in this light,

so touch the coldest parts of me,

I want to burn and turn to dust in your hold.

We soaked in the stench of expectation,

dampened and stale: 

Staple the scent to me, 

leave me starving,

Make me swear to still want you more. 

Part IV

"I want to learn

how to say goodnight

with my whole body" 

- Derrick C. Brown

Melting, along with the wrong hands 

of the right clock.

I whisper to you with my eyes; blinking,

diluting the weight of the night 

with how good we must look 

when we are dreaming.

Part V

"move at the speed of bad mood lighting"

- Derrick C. Brown

Touching me touching you sounds like 

a gentle way to devour each other into pieces;

we tried so hard to make it pretty,

turned each other into paint, 

but I’ve

unlearned how to use colour, 

left it stranded somewhere on your bed,

dying your whole room into a 

headache.

I hope it washes out.

Part VI

"I’m often nothing nights"

- Derrick C. Brown

This isn’t about you. 

I’ve been indecent enough

to swallow down the taste of you and

forget it by the morning 

but 

ugly becomes uglier 

when pressed up against bad bathroom lighting. 

Or maybe there was just a mirror 

Part VII

"I just want to be kissed tonight and not ask for it"

- Derrick C. Brown

I am ready to surrender my worth 

in vain 

and you called me pretty

so take it all 

Part VIII

"Take apart the bed without tools"

- Derrick C. Brown

Fuck through me:

I’ve dissolved into the mattress 

but I’ve really got to find my way home 

so take me apart and put me back together using your tongue.

Forget the instructions, follow my mouth.

How kind of you to misplace me.

Part IX

"I know I am a moment"

- Derrick C. Brown

Of so many more you’ve devoured 

and been devoured by 

Of the push and pull of wanting you 

but for all the wrong reasons 

To prove

I can drink myself empty

Part X

"All I want to do is hot lust you into dead sweat"

- Derrick C. Brown

You dirty bastard, you. 

Dissolve me into nothing so I can mean 

something again.

Humiliation feels so much better 

with a face as pretty as yours in between my legs.

Mark me, stain me, I deserve it.

Part XI

"I wish I knew all I wanted"

- Derrick C. Brown

Fuck, how I wish that was you. 

So delicately, you make me feel like 

my aggression is worth something. 

When I breathe you in 

I’ll just spit you back out.

Part XII

"Let’s hurt each other 

Into gifts"

- Derrick C. Brown

You opened me up enough 

that I always dressed down for you. 

Watch your door unfold, 

and find you hungry

for nothing but nakedness. 

Insult me well enough and 

I might just come to stay.

Part XIII

"I volunteer to disappear in your bed" 

- Derrick C. Brown

I breathe better with you there. 

And yeah, I don’t know what I’m doing, 

but I knew it had to be good 

when I melted into you: 

It was your stupidly damp lips 

that soaked through 

my goddamn surface, 

that, which, I’d coated red 

almost as to say 

There is nothing that can burn me.

You can’t 

fight fire 

with fire. 

Thank god 

you kissed me and put it out.